Sunday, March 19, 2006

More notes from the spam folder

This from Mister Ophelia Cummings, who not only undoubtedly shares a bit of life experience with "A Boy Named Sue," but has a parsimonious yet expressive way with words: down-down your weight.

That's the entire message, except for the link to a website.

And then there's Ms. Imogene Webber, who pulls no punches with the following subject heading from her enticing email: 64% of our members got laid.

Although, on reflection, one might wonder what Imogene actually means by that. Ever? In their entire lives? Or as a result of her fabulous website?

And, as with many polls, I wonder just how scientifically this one was conducted. No information is given about sample size, for example, as well as how the questions were actually worded. So how can we truly believe?

The body of Imogene's email goes on to say how its done, though: No cheezy pickup lines, no flowers, no walks on the beach, people here just want to have sex ;)

And girls just want to have fun. What a relief. The foreplay of all those walks along the beach can get so very tiresome.


At 2:59 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger Steve said...

I don't know if spammers know the gender of their recipients but I have received literally thousands of emails promising to enhance the size of my generative member. I also routinely receive emails from someone who can't spell offering share tens of millions of dollars with me if I contact them back. Finally, I frequently receive emails from some woman has been experimenting by taking pictures of herself nude, and would I please download her pictures and take a look? Those are the majority of my spams.

At 3:51 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger snowonpine said...

In addition to lots of messages from the above mentioned types of idiots I also have had the pleasure of receiving several variations on the Nigerian bank scheme--"we have contacted you because of your illustrious reputation in the business community, etc., etc."
My favorities are the phishing messages telling me that I had better send my password and account numbers to--take your pick--assorted government agencies, several credit card companies, auction sites, various other companies and even a bank where I don't have an account at, or dire consequences will follow. What I wouldn't give for some sort of button that I could push that would destroy these cretin's ability to send crap like this to me. I'm really getting tired of having to evaluate and delete the many junk messages still left over after my pretty efficient email program has weeded out the majority of this trash.

At 3:55 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger Cappy said...

I always did like Johnny Cash. Thank G-d I've wisely invested in Nigerian banks!

At 4:02 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger camojack said...

Girls may just want to have fun, (which is not to say that nobody ever should) but adults have responsibilities, more's the pity.

As for the "spam", I'm with snowonpine...

At 5:33 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger Pancho said...

Here, for those who want to go into the Spam business, is a handy little Spammer Name Generator

Your friend Concussion C. Remorseful

At 6:27 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger Ymarsakar said...

Like all human endeavours, people will pick on you because they know that they can attack you with their spam emails but you don't got jack in weaponized viruses to send back to them.

It's all about deterence and how many computers people are willing to crash and trash to create a reason for spammers to stop.

It's all about defense, up until the point that people can no longer afford to tolerate it.

At 8:41 AM, March 20, 2006, Blogger Ron said...

My favorite spam said "For you -- a future in beef jerky."

Perhaps that's true, but I try not to dwell on it!


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